no energy

Do you ever have those days where you just have no energy???  I think I may be having one of those weeks...

Tomorrow, Cori is smoking turkey breasts on the grill and I already made pumpkin crap dessert....

so much better than it sounds and delightfully easy

1 30oz can of pumpkin pie mix (do the pumpkin pie mix, not the plain pumpkin...you can use the plain pumpkin but it turns out crappy and takes like 7 days longer to cook)
3 eggs
1 cup of sugar
1 12oz can of evaporated milk
1 yellow cake mix
1 cup of butter
nuts of your choice

preheat oven to 350 and grease a 9x13 (regular size) cake pan.  mix the pumpkin pie mix, eggs, sugar and milk all together in a bowl.  Pour into prepared pan.  Crumble the yellow cake mix (yup...just the dry cake mix)over the top of the pumpkin pie mixture in the pan, drizzle the one cup melted butter over the top of that and then top with nuts

cook for 60-75 mins

serve with whipped cream and ENJOY

yummmmmmmmmmmm

very fallish and super duper easy

the smell makes me feel all warm and toasty in the house!!!

Yesterday, we went to watch Nick throw some poor unsuspecting kids around on the football field...
I don't understand that game but appreciate that, apparently, almost every other human does.  While there, we met a beautiful little girl who is 11 months old.  What a peanut she is. 

And

like an idiot

I sat comparing my Finn to Peanut #1

Finn is almost 16 months old.  She walks...runs sometimes even :] and definitely climbs...all super
So did Peanut#1
Peanut #1 also had more words and sounds than my beautiful Finn
and
she was much more coordinated that Roo

but

my baby was so sweet...wanting to nice touch the baby  and even saying baby in case we didn't see her

she also shared her cheesy puffcorn
and
snuggled into mommy when it all got to be too much

I wonder if there will ever come a time when I don't worry...probably not.  Every time Nick gets swollen glands I panic that the tumors will come back and every time Dylan says he isn't hungry I flash back to when he was a tiny guy and I had to feed him with an eyedropper to get him to hold food in.

Being a parent is not easy
Being a good parent is even harder

The constant dr visits make me wonder...am I doing all this to help Finn or am I doing it to try to alleviate some sort of guilt or pressure or worry for myself? 

The questions never seem to end
and
so

I am tired

tomorrow will most likely be better
it always is
even when it sometimes isn't, if that makes sense

but for now
I am just tired

and

I am going to go read a book